The ego is confusing. It’s not your enemy. And you already know that very often it isn’t your friend. It can cause a lot of trouble.

If you have too much of it, you may be blind to it—while it’s obvious to everyone else. If you have too little, you can’t function in this world.

You can’t live without an ego; you have to have one, but it isn’t real. It is created moment to moment by a conversation you have in your head: one moment you’re wonderful, the next moment you shiver in fear.

This ego, the one that’s forever busy chasing what it desires and protecting itself from what it fears, is the ego of suffering.

The ego is baffling and mystifying, and if you don’t understand it, and educate it, it will be your master, instead of the servant it is meant to be. Then it will lead you around by the nose, through a lot of pain and loss to exactly nowhere.

You’ve heard all the stuff about transcending, or even  ‘killing the ego.’ And you’ve also heard that you need ‘ego strengths.’ So what is it? Do we need to get over it, or make it strong?

The answer is: both. You think that’s paradoxical? Definitely!

Okay, lets start with the basics.

At birth you emerge into this world from what has been called “The Ground of Being,” the womb of the universe. And at death, that’s where you go. It is the Self, the alpha and the omega, spirit, THAT which many people call God.

From there you can picture the journey of your existence as a circle that begins and ends in the Ground of Being.[1]

You can then divide this circle into two halves. The first part of life is about building the ego, coming to know who you are in this short time-span of your existence; it’s about going out into the world, about self-assertion, about being some body. The second half is about returning back home to our essence, to your origins, to spirit, to Self-realization, to eternity, oneness, and truth.

The “I” changes throughout this circular journey.

We can also divide the circle into three parts, three pie shapes. In childhood the ego begins as soon as you start to think. At the beginning of thought there is a mechanism that makes you continuously relate everything in your world to this “I.” You make up this thing called “I” as you think. You believe it’s a stable ‘thing,’ but it isn’t; it’s like an optical illusion of the mind that appears real.

This first third of the journey is the pre-personal stage. The roots of your beliefs of “I am………” are laid here, good and bad. You identify with your body, your likes and dislikes, your emotional habits and your personal history. You praise yourself and experience pride, and you condemn yourself and experience guilt. Most of this is subconscious and quite automatic. You struggle to be who you think you are meant to be, and you judge yourself as to how well you think you are doing. This, as I said, is the ego of suffering.

At this stage you are unconsciously still fused with the collective mind, and your thinking is deeply conditioned. You think in the way your family or clan, religion or nation told you to think. You are under the influence of an internalized voice that sounds like a controlling and critical parent. You have not yet developed a fully independent sense of yourself, a free way to make up your own mind.

For that you have to cut the restricting ‘umbilical cords’ that bind you to the ways of your upbringing. Until you do, you do not yet have a fully functioning ego. You’re part of the group mind. You’re also still close to spirit and that gives you comfort. But the danger here is that you may be prone to fundamentalist thinking.

Once you cut the ‘umbilical cord’, you move into the self-conscious stage, become a fully rational person and see the blossoming of your personal identity. You become an independently functioning individual, a “person” in your own right. No longer bound by the fear of being rejected by your group if you were to be fully yourself, you unfold your unique gifts and abilities.

This is the culmination of what Western psychology calls the development of ego-strengths. Rational and relatively independent in your views, you act and operate in your world.

Western culture generally assumes that this is the totality and aim of human development. Once you are a strong individual, you ‘have made it’ in the eyes of our culture; you are done. Therefore, of course, most individuals do not evolve much beyond this point. They are still in the grip of the ego of suffering, and remain far removed from the nurturing reality of the true Self.

This is now changing, as more and more of us realize that the highly developed ego is not the end of the line. And the ego itself feels it, as it matures. Where it has been fascinated with material life at first, now a sense of unease arises, an existential loneliness, disconnection and lack of fulfillment, or perhaps a deep, but indistinct yearning. These can easily turn into despair and trigger addictions and relationship problems.

Such lack of fulfillment is often mistaken for regular anxiety or depression—but that is not what it is, and it should not be treated that way. The ego has to suffer this basic lack of fulfillment, because it knows deep down that it, along with the body and all its worldly achievements, is going to die—although it tries hard to ignore that fact.

But rather than despair, this is the time when the individual needs to evolve further, and only entry into the next stage, the spiritual stage of development can resolve these problems.

This brings us to the third pie shape, the trans-personal stage. This part of the journey has been deeply studied by the world’s mystical traditions. Particularly Indian Vedanta and Tibetan Buddhism have elevated this inquiry to a profound and fascinating science.

As long as you operate exclusively through your rational mind, you will remain unaware of the reality of this higher development, because it goes beyond the ego, beyond the rational mind. But it does not deny rationality; it includes and transcends it. Here the mind can evolve into intuitive intellect and into divine intelligence.

It begins with experiences that lead you into the spiritual realm. At first these moments of peace, or deep joy, or your ability to perceive a deeper truth, are fleeting. To make them more permanent, you must develop an ability for stillness. Meditation is the best known and time-honored way to do that.

The first part of the spiritual journey is the exploration of ‘spiritual wonderland.’ You are fascinated by all kinds of exciting options, collect spiritual paraphernalia, move from teacher to teacher, read many books, and, all-in-all develop a very cool spiritual ego, which is not much different at all from the rational ego. It feels special about itself, either in a good or bad way, and in that it is absolutely commonplace.

But as you explore the spiritual realm, you build another kind of ego, the ego of aspiration. Now you feel drawn to real sadhana, to committed spiritual practice. This is how you can free yourself of the shadow elements, the habits of suffering which you have acquired earlier in life and which are the true source of your pain.

The higher reaches of spiritual realization will remain hidden to you until you do this work. But with the gradual easing of unconscious tensions, and with a greater and stable peace, comes the ability to look inward.

Now a great paradigm shift begins. You realize that who or what you thought you were was in fact a mistaken identity. Yes, the ego was useful enough for a while, just like the countless other identities you have built in past lives that are now gone and forgotten. And so will this one be gone in just a few years.

Now however this is not a source of despair, but of a great aspiration. You begin to intuit that you are in truth not this puny ego with its ongoing drama and self-importance, but the true Self, and your body and mind can serve as the perfect expression of divine presence in form.

You realize that you are not the body, but a ray of divine light that is reflected in you. And, going even further, you realize that this individual ray is one with the sun, the Self, the Source of infinite light.

In the expansion of this inner experience, the ego is transformed into the ego of the sage. Where it has formerly been opaque and confused, it now becomes transparent to the light. Where it has been a dictator, if not a tyrant at times, it now becomes your faithful and reliable servant.

Through the force of continued spiritual practice, sadhana, your being becomes the conduit of divine grace. The thinking mind with its judgments and stress dissolves and gives way to the intuitive intellect, which can run your worldly affairs perfectly.

The heart remains increasingly open and, since you are internally filled by the bliss of the Self, you can love freely. Your life becomes a life of joyful service to all beings around you, in whom you recognize the same presence of God that shines in you.

This is the way to absolute peace and to the fulfillment that does not die when the body is done. It is the realization of your true and immortal identity as the Self.

The ego evolves from being the source of much trouble to being a clear lens through which the presence of God shines into this world. How is it done? What are the mechanisms that are at work in this transformation? And what is the most crucial transformation from the ego of aspiration to the ego of the sage?  That is what we will discuss in Part 2.

We invite you to watch the video: The 3 Aspects of Ego by Ram Giri.
For more information visit our website www.Skillsforawakening.com

With love and gratitude,

Ram Giri 
and the Skills for Awakening Team

Question: Today I woke up confused and with many doubts. I am confused because since there is not an absolute truth, how do we know that our behaviors are correct?

Ram Giri: There is YOUR truth. Your being will know it because it is free of stress. Stress is the measurement you can use. What is stressful, whether it’s a thought, emotion or action, is not true to you. That’s why it is stressful.

Q: Are my stressful beliefs completely wrong?

RG: I don’t know.  That’s for you to explore, one by one.

Q: Is the purpose of The Work of Byron Katie to inquire reality?

RG: No, reality is what it is. Inquiry is for your thoughts about reality

Q: How will The Work free me?

RG: Inquire into a stressful thought. Find out the truth about it. That truth can set you free. That truth leads to the end of suffering.

Q: So, is there no right or wrong?

RG: In relative reality there is a very clear understanding of right and wrong. In the unified mind such distinctions do not apply. The unified mind contains and transcends the conventional mind and the way it deals with relative reality (duality).

Q: Do I need to accept the reality as it is, and not argue with it?

RG: How is arguing with reality working for you? What happens? How does it feel? How does it influence your behavior? What is the outcome? We say reality is always kinder than your story (and you war) about it. And please don’t believe anything I say. Find out for yourself if it is true for you or not.

From a Buddhist perspective, busying ourselves with worldly activities is a form of laziness, because we’re lax in self-cultivation. Our lives are so busy in modern society: Our appointment books are completely full and we’re always running here and there. We often complain there isn’t enough time for the Dharma.

However, whenever we have a spare moment, we work overtime or call some friends to fill in the gap. We always have time to eat, but we hardly ever have time to nourish ourselves spiritually by attending Dharma classes or meditating. When the temple has entertainment and free meals, we go; but when there is meditation or lessons, we’re busy.

This hindrance to spiritual progress comes because we’re attached to worldly pleasures: food, money, reputation, amusement, and friends. The harm comes from our inappropriate way of relating to them. Attached, we selfishly indulge in them. However, these things in and of themselves aren’t bad. Through pacifying our afflictions, we can enjoy these things with a good motivation–to improve ourselves for the benefit of others.

–from Taming the Mind by Ven. Thubten Chodron,

]]> http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/our-lives-through-buddhist-eyes/feed 0 http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/on-meditation http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/on-meditation#comments Tue, 05 Oct 2010 20:27:53 +0000 Ram Giri http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/?p=317

“As the pace of our lives continues to be accelerated by a host of forces seemingly beyond our control, more and more of us are finding ourselves drawn to engage in meditation, in this radical act of being., this radical act of love, astonishing as that may seem given the materialistic ‘can do’, speed-obsessed, progress-obsessed, celebrity-and-other-people’s-lives-obsessed orientation of our culture. We are moving in the direction of meditative awareness for many reasons, not the least of which may be to maintain our sanity, to recover our perspective and sense of meaning, or simply to deal with the outrageous stress and insecurity of this age. By stopping and intentionally falling awake to how things are in this moment, purposefully, without succumbing to reaction or judgment and by working wisely with such occurrences, with a healthy dose of self-compassion when we do succumb, and by our willingness to take up residency for a time in the present moment in spite of all our plans and activities aimed at getting somewhere else, completing a project or pursuing desired objects or goals, we discover that such an act is both immensely, discouragingly difficult and yet utterly simple, profound, hugely possible after all, and restorative of mind and body, soul and spirit.

It is indeed a radical act of love just to sit down and be quiet for a time by yourself. Sitting down in this way is actually a way to take a stand in your life as it is right now, however it is. We take a stand here and now, by sitting down, and by sitting up. It is the challenge of this era to stay sane in an increasingly insane world.”

– Jon Kabat-Zinn from chapter “A Radical Act of Love” in his book “Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness”

“We are here to receive peace and happiness in our mind by avoiding suffering, but first we have to recognize the cause of happiness. We have to understand what brings us happiness and what brings us suffering. This is extremely important to understand, or there is no way to prevent suffering and receive happiness in our mind.

In our dreams, happiness and small pleasures are created by our mind, and suffering and unhappiness are also produced by our mind.”

(– one of my treasured teachers, Lama Thubten Yeshe, Nepal 1970′s)

Life is not different. Mind is the key and the unconditional love of the Heart gives strength to our efforts to solve the riddles of the mind and eventually the thinking mind dissolves into the Heart

Now it has come again, this sad day. We hear great waves of disturbance around us, as though a stone was thrown into a pond and the ripples are spreading. Intolerance, fear, prejudice and confusion, one follows the other. We see the disturbance in the world and what can we do? How can we not feel helpless in the face of threatened Koran burnings and fanaticism on all sides?

There is much we can do. First of all we can keep our cool. We can notice the shrill voices and perhaps they are not so attractive. And so we can listen to the quiet voice within. What does it say? Where does it guide us?

I think it leads us into the opposite direction of fanaticism, toward peace and compassion. Maybe that is the purpose. Maybe that is the teaching of 9-11.

Okay, I’ll drop the ‘maybe.”

The louder the madness grows, the more obvious is the need for inner peace, for acceptance and an inner safety that can radiate out from us into the world. To find this inner safety and peace is our work.

We have been given much grace. We are not caught in the common delusion of conflict. We have the means to end the internal wars – and this is the all-important step toward how the external wars will end.

On this day I wish you the peace that is the exact opposite of what this day has come to symbolize. It is already within you!

Namaste – Ram Giri

PS: If you live in South Florida, you’re warmly invited to come to our afternoon Seminar on the topic in Key Biscayne (more here: http://skillsforawakening.com/events/)

We were going to examine the thought “Something terrible is going to happen.” And please let me make clear that this is for those who want to find the truth. It’s certainly not for everyone. Most people want to believe what they believe, even though it causes them pain. So if you want to find the truth, this may be for you.

Okay, here comes the inquiry. It consists of 4 questions and the turn-arounds (for more see: http://skillsforawakening.com/solutions/the-work-of-byron-katie-2/)

Here is the first question: “Something terrible is going to happen.” Is that true?

Stop for a moment and go inside. Is there a Yes or a No?

When you have found your answer go to question # 2 - Can you absolutely be certain that it’s true that “Something terrible is going to happen.” Yes or No?

Good. Now let’s go into depth. Question 3: How do you react, what happens, when you believe that “Something terrible is going to happen?”

Spend a moment to really explore how you react when you have this thought. For instance: What feelings arise with that thought? What past or future images do you see? (Close your eyes, see them, feel, relax and observe). How do you treat people when you believe that? What world do you live in with this thought? What addictions or obsessions manifest with it? What other thoughts come up? Take your time to answer this.

And now question #4: Who would you be without the thought: “Something terrible is going to happen?” Close your eyes. Picture yourself without the thought. What is it like? How do you feel? Feel that.

Then one Turn Around: “Nothing terrible is going to happen.“ How is that as true or more true for you? Give yourself 3 or more real examples. Contemplate. Take your time. (Notice if you stay in your business here or not) Make it real for you. Only what’s true for you counts here.

Can you find another Turn Around?

Good. We’ll continue tomorrow.

Let me leave you with a thought by Mark Twain: “The worst things in my life never happened!”

See you tomorrow,

Ram Giri

PS: Please remember if you live in South Florida, come to our afternoon Seminar on the topic in Key Biscayne (more here: http://skillsforawakening.com/events/)

It’s coming around again, this Saturday. Already many people are feeling it – a certain discomfort, anger, perhaps helplessness. And definitely fear. Since 9/11 the thought “Something terrible is going to happen” has become the inaudible but deafening mantra in the collective mind. How is it going to change?

How are we/you going to feel safe again and at peace?

It is up to us, to everyone of us.

Let’s take you, what can you do? Unable to face down bin Laden, what can you do? You can put the internal terrorist out of business.

Let’s talk about that for the rest of the week – and if you live in South Florida, you may want to come to our afternoon Seminar on the topic in Key Biscayne (more here: http://skillsforawakening.com/events/)

So what can you do? You can recognize that

• fear is not caused by outer events
• fear and all other stressful emotions arise as a result of our internal reactions to outer events
• events happen. How we react to them is up to us!
• you can overcome fear by investigating the thoughts that create it
• when you find a deeper truth (which is now hidden by your unquestioned stressful beliefs) the fear dissolves.

This is a simple process AND in practice it can get a bit confusing. That is because it takes us into thinking we are just not yet familiar with. This possible confusion however will give birth to clarity and freedom from fear.

Are you up to it?

I invite you to examine this core thought “Something terrible is going to happen.” We’ll walk with each other through this in the next days, looking for a deeper truth that will set us free of the inner terrorist.

See you tomorrow,

Ram Giri

“What do you do?” I dread that question. It seems I fail at it every time. So then why do some people love working with me?

That must be it, the love, the ‘stuff’ that’s between the lines of what can be said. It’s what you can’t put in a bio or on the screen.

Alex is such a case. I’ve been coaching him for a few months and he rarely responds to my emails – too busy. By all accounts he should be a failure.

And then we meet and the next day he writes: “It’s always a fantastic experience for me, every time we meet. I never know what the outcome is going to be, and I always leave amazed of what happens.”

I swear I’m not doing it. I just let go and open to the moment. And it’s always there. It rises up from somewhere to meet us, this inexpressible thing, love, in some form or another.

And because I can’t claim ownership, I find that everyone I meet brings it to me, if I’m just open enough to receive it. So you must have it, it must be there. And you probably don’t need me to find it.

Another morning. But before I open my eyes, I lie still and deeply feel inside. And a recognition arises.

There is in us a presence of which we are often unaware. You have your own name for it, the presence of God, or reality, of the soul. For me it has the feeling of Maharajji, my guru.

And I lie there almost still asleep and very still, and it is there. This presence (His presence for me) is the deepest and most real way we can experience ourselves. And it is so far beyond all the identification with ego, our history and planning and pain. It is the pure essence of Self.

There it was, so pure and complete. And at that moment I knew that all life is nothing more or less than the process of this essence awakening us from the inside.

Can we let go enough of our self-effort to allow it to do its work?

Can we be open to this unspeakable grace?

One of the greatest books of the wisdom literature of this planet is the yet little known “Vasistha’s Yoga.” The following is a quote from it regarding self-inquiry and the Heart:

If one has achieved even a little bit of control over the mind by self-enquiry, such a person has attained the fruit of his life. For that self-enquiry will expand his heart.

This of course is exactly what we are doing with the Skills for Awakening. Vasistha continues:

When such enquiry is preceded by dispassion [or: detachment] and has attained stability by practice, all the noble qualities resort to it naturally. Ignorance and its retinue do not bother one who is fully established in self-enquiry and who sees what is, without distortion. When he has found his foothold in the spiritual ground, he is not overcome by the robbers known as sense-pleasures.

Practicing self-inquiry with The Work gives you that stability. You can first observe it by noticing how you react less to situations and people that used to upset you. You become calmer, more peaceful and in control of yourself. This is a control without force, a natural peacefulness and mastery. This is true knowledge. It frees us from the constant distractedness of the undisciplined mind that is craving for and running after sense pleasures. Notice that there is nothing wrong with pleasures; it is the desire for them that throws you off balance. In true peace you can enjoy whatever comes, may it be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. This is dispassion, the foundation of lasting peace. In that peace the Heart can be wide open.

I hope you enjoy this, please let me know.

Ram Giri

A quiet mind is all you need. All else will happen rightly, once your mind is quiet. As the sun on rising makes the world active, so does self-awareness affect changes in the mind. In the light of calm and steady self-awareness inner energies wake up and work miracles without effort on your part.
- Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj