Life will always have its ups and downs. This is inevitable. And in this continuous change, in this unpredictability, life meets beauty in its entire dimension. Here is where I ask myself and I invite you to do the same: How am I dancing with life?

Am I meeting life with a balanced and peaceful mind and an open heart, no matter what? Am I seeing that on my side of the fence the grass is pretty green too? Am I treating my fears, self-doubt, self-judgment and shame with kindness and compassion? Do I love myself just the way I am? Or am I constantly comparing myself with others who seem ‘more successful’, ‘more attractive’ or ‘more spiritual’ than me? Am I indulging in the 10 million distractions of the world in order to hide and run away from what’s going on inside? Am I pretending to be someone quite different than who I really am…?

I find that it’s easy to love yourself when everything is going your way, when life fulfills your desires, when you find yourself at the peak of the mountain.  But it doesn’t last; life constantly and kindly shows us where we have yet some growing to do. What about when you get embarrassed, feel criticized, vulnerable or exposed? When you find yourself in that dark tunnel feeling that there is no light at the other end? How do you deal with that conversation in your head that keeps putting you down?

If you are seeking for a deeper truth, ask yourself these questions; you can do that now, even if it means to stop reading this article for few minutes. This process of self-inquiry opens up a new understanding of yourself. It can give you a road map to deal with the conditioned mind that constantly falls into the cycles of self-doubt and self-judgment. This sheds light into the dark shadow.

Constantly we hide our most sacred ideas, our most sacred secrets, because it’s easier to shelter them than exposing ourselves. To bring them out, whether that means opening a conversation, looking for help, or finding practices to undo our own cobweb, means to make yourself vulnerable. And this can be scary at first. So we wear masks and pretend not to be ashamed, but we’re always scared to be found out… If they knew what I‘m really like, they would never speak to me again. This is the tragedy of this world: we have lost access to our brilliant hearts and live dominated by fear. That’s why we suffer so much.

Loving yourself the way you are is like being on the peak of a mountain and knowing that you can merge with the vastness of the sky and the nature around you. It is being at peace with reality, however reality shows up. It is being kind, so kind with yourself even in those moments when you can’t stop the self-punishment for what you have or haven’t done. It is dissolving the voice that says: “it is embarrassing to be me”, or “men don’t cry”, or “I’m not good enough”, and so on.

The truth is that it is not embarrassing to be you. It is quite the opposite. It is freedom to expose your true self, it is liberating to feel vulnerable and allowing what is. It is an act of honesty, with you and with the world, to show your sensitivity, your happiness or sadness, and your compassion. It is courageous to show what is hidden behind that mask. It is an act of love to be authentic. Keep this sentence in your mind: The most attractive thing about a person is his or her authenticity!

To get to the peak of that mountain (which ultimately is the realization that you are what you seek to become) you need to start climbing, step by step. Stop when you need to take a deep breath, perhaps look back to see how much you have advanced… and continue climbing, with that deepest driving desire in your mind, with one-pointed focus. Allow yourself to be like water and move with the flow of life. And it’s ok if you slip down a few meters. No need to panic. There is always a new opportunity to begin again.

Be aware and listen when the ego is telling you that you are going too slowly, or that you should climb faster. Stillness, even while moving, can help you to distinguish the voice of the ego from the voice of love. It is wise to acquire what you need for your quest: the companionship of fellow climbers, the necessary tools to make your climbing easier, the skills that make you stronger. Listen to the guidance and experience of those who have gone before you and check in to see if they work for you. And most importantly, know that in this quest you are completely supported by a caring universe.

All minds are the same until they get educated for happiness. That is your task. If you are conscious enough to understand this, then you are capable of doing it.  You are capable of turning your life around, so completely that not long from now you will have a laughing fit when you remember how miserable you used to make yourself today.

Unhappiness is optional, but only for those who get serious about happiness. And when I say happiness I don’t mean the meaningless chase after distractions that serve to keep the ego fast asleep. I mean the complete wakefulness of the spirit. I mean the full realization of the immense brilliance of what you are. I mean the full miracle of you!

You must discover your heart if you want to enjoy the kind of relationship you dream about and deserve. The tensions created by insecurity and self-doubt will inevitably spoil the greatest experience. They must create conflicts in all your relationships and they will cause you to sabotage yourself every step of the way.

But when you feel bad you push your heart away, you try to bury it, and it always comes back. You live in escape mode from what you believe, from your truth, but you can’t get away from yourself. These are the moments when you need that open and authentic heart the most.

Remember: The most attractive thing about you is your authenticity. When you can be who you are, you are naturally fulfilled and others will notice. There will be a shine around you, but you won’t care. It is just the natural way you are.

You are already what you seek to become, only you are unconscious of it. Your bliss and your love are already fully present in you; you just haven’t discovered them yet. In you lies hidden the totality of all the love that is possible in this world. It is the true nature of the heart.

But in you lies also the enemy of forgetfulness. You have fallen asleep. You do not remember you. And there is another factor alive in you: your ability to awaken from the trance of your unhappiness, from your distraction of mind and your closed heart. That spark in you is reading this article right now. It can go to sleep again, or not. It is up to you.

If you decide to act on the impulse to awaken yourself, be prepared to see your life change. With the knife of self-love you will cut out the decay, you will stop in its track the tendency to indulge in what makes you suffer. You will realize that you—and no one else—create all your suffering. And that will set you free.

Your view of life will change rapidly as you discover nothing but kindness around you. You will want to dissipate the habits of sadness and fear and learn healthy habits. You will want to love yourself in the places where you now hate yourself. You will want to embrace yourself with only pure love

It’s too late to promise yourself you’ll do better when all hell breaks loose. It’s hard to find peace in emergency mode. The time is now, or when will it be? Your higher potential is staring you in the face, when will you look? Find out what happens when you give yourself the support you have wanted. Let yourself be around people who dare to assume that they have the courage for freedom.

Take a jump and you will notice the ground rise up to meet you.

With Love,

Ram Giri and Julia

Skills for Awakening

For Jane it’s her weight. George thinks he is not a good enough provider for his family. Since the kids teased her in school, Carol believes she is not pretty.

This is how we carry our hidden pain with us like a snail carries its house. And every so often we withdraw right into it, into our most private terror.

It’s like we are saying to God, “Love me—but not in this place. In this place in my mind leave me my shame, leave me my lack of self-love.” And we think it cannot be another way, and we believe our lies.

And God, in that innermost place in the Heart, listens, and is powerless because love does not force itself. This infinite love in us waits, and waits some more, with infinite patience, until we are ready to open.

Until we trust enough, like a flower gives itself entirely to the sun. Until we open to the power in us to love, to trust, to know with absolute certainty that we are powerful enough to free us from any pain we carry in us.

Imagine the flower, basking fully exposed in the midday sun. How glorious! It absorbs every last ray, every magnificent bit of warmth. It is fully alive.

It doesn’t say, “Not this. Not this love. It is too strong. I have to hold on to the darkness in me. I am not ready for love.”

No. It surrenders to the splendor of life. You can be like that.

In you lies this type of openness, this kind of surrender to the light and the love in you. It is the absolute and unconditional love of the Self. And it never forces itself. It waits. It waits for you to respond to its many calls.

This love, this courage, will never betray you. It is your very own. It flows from your heart and only you can evoke it—or shut it down.

Call on that love to set you free of all you don’t need. Let it shine into the concealed crevices of the mind where darkness still hides.

Light and love are a higher reality than darkness and fear. When you invite them to flow from your heart to free the rest of your being, miracles happen.

Light dispels darkness instantly, leaving not a single trace. Love dissolves fear and reveals it as a bad dream of a past that is over and gone and a future that can be much more kind than you imagine.

If you’re still, you can feel it right now, right here in the very core of your chest. It is the infinite Source, the strongest power of healing.

You are equipped like that, imagine! As someone who knew once said, “If you had faith, you could move mountains.” This faith has its roots in your Heart and you can discover it there.

But because no one ever showed you that you have divine inner capacities, they have remained unused until now. But you can learn to use them until all the pain is dissolved and you are free.

with love,

Ram Giri

Skills for Awakening

If you want to engage in a highly effective practice to end the pain in your life, call us between 10am and 6pm (ET) for a free consultation.

Skills for Awakening +1 (305) 567-1406

Question: “Sometimes it is hard for me to feel my Heart. What can I do?”

Ram Giri: The mind has a tendency to run after distractions. This is caused by the subtle desires of the unconscious mind. It is an addiction that keeps the mind agitated and focused outward, away from the Heart. It is the greatest obstacle on the spiritual path and a source of tremendous suffering. Because of this unconscious and powerful mental addiction the soul is unable to know its true nature and freedom.

There are two answers to your question of what you can do. The first answer is consistent and patient practice, to discipline the mind by the use of HeartSourcing or other meditative techniques. Although you will not have a great experience every time you practice, the effort is cumulative. You cover a distance of 10,000 miles one step at a time.

The second answer is that inside your Heart is the presence of the Divine. Some people imagine it as a spark of the great light of God. This divine presence has a masculine and a feminine aspect. The masculine aspect is absolute Truth. The feminine aspect is absolute unconditional Love and Compassion. This feminine aspect is known as the Divine Mother, the Goddess. She dwells in all beings.

To free yourself from the addiction of the mind to the unending distractions of the world, you can turn toward this all-compassionate inner presence. In the sublime psychology of the higher mind that we know as the ancient wisdom of India, this tendency toward distraction is known as the (inner) demon Mahisha. The (inner) Goddess is known as Mahishamardini, “She who kills the demon of distraction” and so sets you free. This means that it is the very function of your inner Divinity to set you free. She exists for that purpose.

This tendency to distraction, ignorance and subtle desires is a knot in the Heart (kama granthi). When the inner Goddess frees us of this powerful ‘demon’ this knot is destroyed and the Heart opened by the ascending power of kundalini. This awakens in us great spiritual and material prosperity and good fortune.

But there is a quality to love we have to remember: love never forces itself. So if you want that presence of powerful divine Love to come to your aid, you have to activate it by asking the Goddess to set you free of the distracted mind. This should be particularly easy for women who are the manifestation of Her form in the world. But men as well have within themselves this great power of self-liberation. So whether we are in a male or female body, we can turn to our own nature in the form of this absolute motherly love.

If but for a moment we can put pride aside, we can find in the depth of us a place of childlike surrender. It’s been there ever since we were very small children. Later we may have developed a litany of problems with our mothers, but let’s just leave all this aside for a moment. Deep in us is the pattern of this trusting surrender, and now we activate it not toward another being (who may leave us) but toward the presence of absolute motherly care in us. This makes this surrender completely safe.

This asking to be freed of the demon of distractedness is surrender. Instead of years of psychotherapy or austerity, instead of pounding on heaven’s doors, try to simply turn to that motherly presence in your own Heart and ask to be set free. Instead of being a hero in your quest for peace, try to be a child for now. Be simple and egoless, just for a moment. Find that place of trust in the divine in you that will be fulfilled.

This place of primal trust exists in the depth of your Heart. Evoke it there. It is just a simple and honest asking. You can do it now. You do not have to wait until many years of accumulated pain give you enough despair so you finally discover this place of surrender. No, surrender is easy. It’s child’s play. For a moment be that child of the Divine Mother in you and ask Her for help, and She will unfailingly give you that help. She will give it to you in Her way and in Her time, but it will unfailingly come and you will be free to live out of the unobstructed purity of the unlimited Love in your Heart.

“One can’t believe impossible things,” Alice said. “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”[1]

We’re all Alice. We can’t believe what we cannot yet believe. But that can change. So here are six impossible things you can imagine before breakfast:

1. You can be happy today. And every day.
2. You don’t have to be aggravated, worried or sad.
3. Instead you can you can question your beliefs and realize that you are aggravating and worrying yourself, and stop.
4. Instead of feeling bad, you can treat negative emotions are not as a threat but ‘a part of you that needs help.’
5. You can give that part of you some love and attention and watch the emotions melt away.
6. You can be free!

Now if you’ve practiced the Skills for awakening for a while, you know all that—but at times we forget. Then it’s good to believe at least these six impossible things every day before breakfast.

]]> http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/six-impossible-things-before-breakfast/feed 0 http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/the-invisible-threat-of-self-sabotage http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/the-invisible-threat-of-self-sabotage#comments Thu, 04 Nov 2010 03:07:41 +0000 Ram Giri http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/?p=319

You would never do this to yourself consciously. You, like everyone else, do not like to suffer. And yet, you, like everybody else, are sometimes subjected to the hidden force of self-sabotage.

Committing yourself to a practice to awaken to your higher potential and to end the pain in your life is a sure way to activate this unconscious process. If you don’t want to fall prey to it, it is necessary to take a close look at the forces that will fight to maintain the status quo, that want to make sure your old level of pain is maintained. These are two-fold, the fear of change and the pain body.

Fear of Change

The unknown scares us, even when what is unknown is happiness or peace. Imagine living permanently in true freedom and joy. It would be like living in a different world, wouldn’t it? And stepping out of the zone of our habitual way of life can be very scary. When that fear arises we are likely to do something to prevent us from changing.

The Pain Body

The pain body is our unconscious tendency to cling to that part of our identity that is used to pain. “Who would I be without my pain?” is a difficult question for many to answer. We’re just so used to our difficulties.

Who hasn’t had the thought during very happy times, “This is too good to last!” who hasn’t noticed repetitive patterns of self-inflicted suffering? This is how we unconsciously call back our discomfort and do something that brings us pain. (You can read more about it here: http://skillsforawakening.com/teachings/the-pain-body/)

We create our own reality through our thinking and our emotional patterns. Unless we change them, the same problems are likely to happen again and again, including our tendency to self-sabotage. This is how we can stay stuck for a long time.

When you make the decision to take your life onto a higher level of functioning, the unconscious force of self-sabotage rears its head. It can come in many forms, all of them appearing completely convincing: You have no money, no time for it, the effort is too much trouble, or you get yourself distracted. Although these may be untrue pain body manifestations, they appear completely compelling to you.

Even more difficult to see are self-sabotage events that appear to come from outside: external interferences, family objections, accidents, illness, a sudden increase in problems or outright chaos and more can all be the outcome of your unconscious desire to reject your impulse to improve your life.

Some interesting self-sabotage events are completely unforeseeable events that interfere with your life. Most people would not ever suspect that such events can be brought on by their own subconscious – until such events repeat themselves at similar junctions in life. There are also what I call ‘metaphysical delusions,’ the conviction that grace will take care of you, that all is really fine, or that no action on your part is necessary. The truth of course is that grace comes to us in exact proportion to self-effort.

The resolution to this challenge comes when our fear of change and self-delusion gives way to the will and courage to change. This happens when our yearning to experience the true freedom of liberation from suffering has become stronger than the old habits of interference.

How does that happen? This inner maturing can be accomplished by two forces: by suffering and by a decision to do what is necessary to reach this freedom, aided by a deep yearning or desire for it. Yes, we have a choice here: if we are able to make the decision to free ourselves proactively from the inner obstructions, we can avoid the necessity for suffering to give us this motivation.

When we are thus no longer fully subjected to our pain body and the fear of change, we arrive at a true commitment to our freedom. This gives us the ability to listen to our internal wisdom and to follow the Heart, our inborn ability for self-love. It empties us of the small self, the contraction of the fear-based aspects of ego, and opens us to the astounding presence of the Higher Self. This alone is true freedom.

Namaste,

Ram Giri

Dear friends,

I want to share with you this interview I was invited to attend couple of days ago. I’m very grateful to ‘Wisdom’s Soft Whisper’ radio show team, for your kindness and love.

Please click on: RamGiri09272010.mp3
If the above link does not work, you can paste the following address into your browser:

https://rcpt.yousendit.com/958760073/0bd75d0021a3e4694841c73b9cd35874

Size: 20.54 MB. Time: 51.32min.
Content will be available for download until October 07, 2010 15:50 PDT.

Excerpt:

* HeartSourcing Meditation
* Satsang (spiritual community)
* Conversations about my personal spiritual path
* Conversations about divine love
* The Skills to help you find your own freedom from suffering and your way to the core of your being

with love,
Ram Giri Braun

Skills for Awakening

“We are here to receive peace and happiness in our mind by avoiding suffering, but first we have to recognize the cause of happiness. We have to understand what brings us happiness and what brings us suffering. This is extremely important to understand, or there is no way to prevent suffering and receive happiness in our mind.

In our dreams, happiness and small pleasures are created by our mind, and suffering and unhappiness are also produced by our mind.”

(– one of my treasured teachers, Lama Thubten Yeshe, Nepal 1970′s)

Life is not different. Mind is the key and the unconditional love of the Heart gives strength to our efforts to solve the riddles of the mind and eventually the thinking mind dissolves into the Heart

Angry and petulant is the best way I can describe it. There it sits in my inbox. How am I going to deal with it?

Of course I could react now, but I can just see the repercussions. Hopeless and completely unnecessary.

So: Can I see the writer as part of God? How can I appreciate that he is here to give me a teaching I obviously need (because here it is, black on white on my screen)?

I go slow. My gut churns a little and I pay gentle attention to that. Soon it calms down. I craft a careful reply, being polite and expressing my truth as clearly as possible.

I turn his accusation around and look if he could be true. I see it and I tell him in ways he can understand.

When I’m done I feel good. I am grateful to the writer because he gave me an opportunity to grow beyond that old reactiveness I know so well.

He is teaching me to be peaceful while standing up for my truth.

I look forward to as many other teachers like that I might need until there is no longer even a slight urge to react. He is teaching me the reality of love.

Obviously it was God writing to me.

Amazing!

Another morning. But before I open my eyes, I lie still and deeply feel inside. And a recognition arises.

There is in us a presence of which we are often unaware. You have your own name for it, the presence of God, or reality, of the soul. For me it has the feeling of Maharajji, my guru.

And I lie there almost still asleep and very still, and it is there. This presence (His presence for me) is the deepest and most real way we can experience ourselves. And it is so far beyond all the identification with ego, our history and planning and pain. It is the pure essence of Self.

There it was, so pure and complete. And at that moment I knew that all life is nothing more or less than the process of this essence awakening us from the inside.

Can we let go enough of our self-effort to allow it to do its work?

Can we be open to this unspeakable grace?

I have a big day ahead of me today, a list of to do’s longer than my arm (and I have long arms) and lots of big decisions to make. So what did I do to get ready for it?

I rolled out of bed early and went for a bike ride and walk, then a jump in the pool; nothing special you might say. But what worked for me was the inner activity: I did my mantra unceasingly. When I sat down to breakfast, Julia, my partner, asked me what was the matter.

“Nothing,” I said, “I’m just very still.” And only then I noticed just how still I had become. In fact it was delicious. I knew what was ahead, but now I was on vacation. For a good hour my mind was on vacation and I was still.

Now, as I am typing this, I am ready for the day, invigorated and focused.

Using a mantra works best when you allow it to absorb all the other activities in the mind. Don’t suppress them, notice where the mind goes, be alert to the layers of thought underneath the mantra and then watch them go. It can also help to have a more complex mantra, a longer prayer, so the mind has to concentrate to not lose the thread. When you lose it, it is obvious and you can go right back to it.

Above all such a practice is about self- love. Be kind to yourself as you do it.

You can take such a mini-vacation many times in the day. It’s much healthier than a cigarette break; breathe deeply and feel good about it.

Ram Ram

One of the greatest books of the wisdom literature of this planet is the yet little known “Vasistha’s Yoga.” The following is a quote from it regarding self-inquiry and the Heart:

If one has achieved even a little bit of control over the mind by self-enquiry, such a person has attained the fruit of his life. For that self-enquiry will expand his heart.

This of course is exactly what we are doing with the Skills for Awakening. Vasistha continues:

When such enquiry is preceded by dispassion [or: detachment] and has attained stability by practice, all the noble qualities resort to it naturally. Ignorance and its retinue do not bother one who is fully established in self-enquiry and who sees what is, without distortion. When he has found his foothold in the spiritual ground, he is not overcome by the robbers known as sense-pleasures.

Practicing self-inquiry with The Work gives you that stability. You can first observe it by noticing how you react less to situations and people that used to upset you. You become calmer, more peaceful and in control of yourself. This is a control without force, a natural peacefulness and mastery. This is true knowledge. It frees us from the constant distractedness of the undisciplined mind that is craving for and running after sense pleasures. Notice that there is nothing wrong with pleasures; it is the desire for them that throws you off balance. In true peace you can enjoy whatever comes, may it be labeled ‘good’ or ‘bad’. This is dispassion, the foundation of lasting peace. In that peace the Heart can be wide open.

I hope you enjoy this, please let me know.

Ram Giri

Here is an entry from my friend Jai Uttals’ blog at http://jaiuttal.com/blog/:

The “Bhakti Movement” in the US these days is kind of strange to me. Wonderful, but also, weird. Wonderful because more and more people are experiencing the incredibly passionate joy of singing God’s names; and weird because, as Americans, we seem to feel the need to make it ‘special,’ and make ourselves ‘special’, and use Madison-Avenue type names to label and increase our ‘special-ness.’ We throw around words like ‘bhakti,’ ‘bhava’ and ‘ecstacy’ as if they are ice cream flavors or new types of kombucha. But in India, where all this stuff comes from, these words denote deep spiritual states, attained by only a few very lucky and very devoted souls who then become inspirations for the rest of us. When we in the west get together for an evening of Kirtan everyone is so eager to ‘get off,’ to have a super high euphoric experience, kind of like a rock concert…. This is fine, I suppose, but it’s just sooooo different from what we experience in a small temple in North India, where the devotees feel like they’ve been chanting for lifetimes and lifetimes, oblivious to the highs and lows, riding the waves of emotion and mood, resting in deep longing and fulfillment and surrender, awaiting God’s mercy. Is ‘Bhakti’ just a ‘high?’ A cool, blissed-out experience? The great ‘bhaktas’ (devotees) of old all write of an immense love and an even greater dependence on their beloved’s response. “My Lord, I’ve done nothing to deserve your embrace, but please come to me anyway!!!” Oh well. Maybe I’m just an old curmudgeon, too hard on myself and thus too hard on everyone else…

Here’s a true story of ‘Bhakti’…… (I probably have many details of this story incorrect, and I thought I would do some research before writing it. But instead I’m just diving in. Please forgive any historical or theological errors.)

In a dusty desert village in West Bengal, in the 15th century, sat an old but still very active little temple to the Goddess. Day in and day out, for hundreds of years, the poor villagers had been prostrating themselves there to ask for better harvests, more sons, and more money; in other words, relief from their suffering. To some the Goddess responded, but to most She remained mute. As in all Hindu temples of that time, a young Brahmin (someone from the highest, priestly, caste) was engaged to officiate the prayers and offerings, and to distribute ‘prasad’ (consecrated food). Chandidas, as he was called, was deeply committed to his tasks, yet he was confused by what he perceived as the Mother’s callous ignoring of Her children’s requests. “Are you really there?” he would ask the statue. “Please, please show me that you are hearing my words!”… But there was no response.

One day, as Chandidas was preparing the ‘aarti’ (offering) lights, he heard a brushing sound coming from the other side of the worship hall. Turning around, Chandidas was struck by what felt like a lightening bolt to his soul. Was it the Goddess, herself? Well, that’s been the big question for over five hundred years. Because quietly working in the corner, partially veiled, was Rami, a young woman from the village, an ‘untouchable’ (the lowest caste), sweeping the temple floors. Chandidas gasped and whispered “Radha.” Rami lowered her almond eyes saying ‘Govinda, my Lord.”

And thus began one of the most remarkable love affairs in history. Chandidas, who had never written a single line of poetry in his life, began to record his romance with Rami with an incredible outpouring of songs of the love of Radha and Krishna; songs of ecstacy, songs of anguish, in the first person voices of both God and Goddess. Perhaps Rami wrote the songs with him, for the voice of Radha emerged even stronger and more clearly than did the voice of Govinda. Of this we’ll never know.

Meanwhile, there was another voice that began to scream and howl. The power structure of the village, the political and ‘spiritual’ elders, had become enraged at this blasphemous affront to the caste system, in the heart of the very temple itself. A Brahmin and an untouchable having an illicit affair!!! And cloaking it in the language of scripture!!! An outrage beyond compare!!! The two lovers were ordered to stop seeing each other. Rami was of course fired from her job at the temple and thrown back into her life of poverty and Chandidas’ every step was watched by the unblinking eyes of the town bosses. But did this diminish the path of true love? Not one bit. In fact, as they were forced to meet in more and more secrecy, the songs of Chandidas took on an even more mystical hue, invoking as they did the illicit, mysterious nature of Radha and Krishna’s divine love. But in a small town in 15th century India, secrets could not be kept for very long. Soon, Rami was banished and Chandidas was thrown into prison. Demanded to deny his love, Chandidas simple bowed his head and proclaimed the eternal reality of ‘Radha Ramana Hari.’ Tears streaking the dust and dirt of his face, the young Brahmin fell to the prison floor chanting the glories of the divine couple: “Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.” What difference was there for him between his love and passion for Rami and the ‘Rasa Lila’ (divine play) of Radha and Krishna? Nothing could stop the river of love flowing from Chandidas’ very soul. And so, in the ultimate act of fear, the village elders tortured Chandidas, finally tying his limbs to four horses and tearing his youthful body apart. As his soul departed his agonized body, the villagers could heard the words: “Hare Krishna…. My Rami, My Radha!”…..

Today, centuries later, the love songs of Chandidas are still sung reverently and, yes, ecstatically, by the villagers, Bauls, and devotees of West Bengal. Praising the divine lovers, falling at the feet of the divine lovers and identifying with the undying passion of the divine lovers….. With tears of longing to feel just a drop of what Chandidas must have felt. To have just the tiniest taste of true ‘Bhakti’, true love…… I’ve seen with my own eyes these mystic Bauls singing Chandidas’ songs, dressed in patchwork robes, begging the Lord for just one crumb, pounding out rhythms on a small drum or even just a wooden table, plucking a one stringed ektara, and remembering one of the great heroes of love, Chandidas, and his beloved, Rami.

Most of us cannot even relate to this language – ‘Self-Love,’ it sounds like narcissism, like self-indulgence, somehow over the top and too much. And yet, when we look at its pure manifestation, it is the most important quality we can develop.

In truth most of us are rather removed from loving ourselves much of the time. We are in too much tension. We are burdened by conflicts and stress and there is an inner dialogue going on that does not let us relax. We are our worst critics and we rarely give ourselves a break.

If this describes you at least some of the time, ask your self, “How is it working for me?”

It’s a revealing question because it is not judgmental. It just invites an observation, a greater awareness of what works and what doesn’t. And if the way you have been conducting some of your life doesn’t work – change it.

That is where Self-Love comes in. Do you deserve to be happy? Please don’t answer this question so quickly. I know you want to say Yes, but look at your behavior, look at the way you have been treating yourself in those parts of life that are not easy for you: has it been an expression of Self-Love?

Are there areas in your life where you could be kinder to you? Where you could open yourself to a greater love than you have known? Go there. Pay attention to these aspects of your existence. These parts of you are like children starving for love.

You can use this imagery: is there a little boy or girl self in you that has his or her needs not met? This is true for most everyone and usually we try to ignore this inner need. It’s unpleasant to deal with and so we choose to lose ourselves in distractions.

But have you noticed, this inner voice will persist. And it’s better to listen to it now, before it grows a cancer or manifests in some other great conflict that cannot be overlooked.

You have the choice – make it now. There are so many ways to love. But how can you love if your heart is not open to you? Only as much as you love yourself can you love others and allow yourself to be loved.

It starts with a decision we have to repeat often at deeper and deeper levels of our being. A decision to do whatever it takes to gain freedom from the conditioning of old pain. This decision opens the door so we can remove what stands in the way of love, our stressful thoughts and emotions. And as we clear them, this inner well of infinite goodness, the Heart, opens and we can drink from it and its life-giving nectar can flow from us into the world.

We will become a light in this world, an increasingly awakened being, no longer conditioned by the inheritance of fear. Being love leads to giving love and giving love leads to receiving love. And the cycles of stress and fear are transformed into the ability to live and express what we truly are in the core of our being: pure love.

It is beckoning you. Will you listen? Will you do the work of clearing the conditioning of fear that keeps you in stress? Take a step today and another tomorrow and gradually but inevitably you will come to know the infinite source of love in your heart. It is the heart of God, your heart, the pulsing, alive core of your universe. It is calling to you to come to know your true Self.

And how can you do it? Associate with those in whom this flame of love burns brightly. Love and devotion are passed on this way, person to person, in a deep and fulfilling relationship where trust can build and the kind of friendship that can last for life times.

There are teachers like that. Seek them out, for that is the fastest way to get to know you. Love and let yourself be loved and all other things will fall into place. As the sun in your heart rises, all the shadows will dissipate. This sun is already rising.

People often wonder how to reconcile the Buddha’s teachings on non-attachment with those on love. How can we love others without being attached to them? Non-attachment is a balanced state of mind in which we cease overestimating others’ qualities. By having a more accurate view of others, our unrealistic expectations fall away, as does our clinging. This leaves us open to loving others for who they are, instead of for what they do for us. Our hearts can open to care for everyone impartially, wishing everyone to be happy simply because he or she is a living being. The feeling of warmth that was previously reserved for a select few can now be expanded to a great number of people.

–from Taming the Mind by Ven. Thubten Chodron, published by Snow Lion Publications