It doesn’t take any effort to fall in love. Suddenly the walls you’ve built around your heart crumble and you experience what you are at your core: alive with the bliss of the heart. Suddenly your ego has evaporated and all you can think of is how to make your beloved happy.

Imagine a world where our first order of business is to make each other happy! No really—take a moment and picture that. It sounds completely utopian—impossible really—and I am here to say that we are exactly headed for that. And the best place to learn it is in our relationships.

Just one ‘little’ problem: what we expect in relationships makes true happiness impossible. “Some day you will find that special one who will make you happy.”  You know, the prince charming fiction. He will come and swipe you off your feet and you will be one. The whole world tells us some version of this. We are raised to believe it, it comes at us from all sides every day, and we love to believe it. It’s deep in our unconscious and it’s completely and utterly impossible.

It’s impossible because if you want to be happy for more than a short honeymoon, then this love has to come from inside you. It has to be the way you are: this openness of heart, this self-love, this inner glow of your own fulfillment. Solid, unshakable, a breath of eternity. You deserve no less.

Another person cannot give that to you. It’s an inside job and the whole world will help you to find this love, your true Self, once you understand how it ticks.  But first you’re stuck in this Neanderthal paradigm of relationships. Let’s get you out of there!

1. You will get two things from your lover and from everyone else close to you: The first thing is love and support. Yes we all go for that. And what is the second thing? We don’t want to look at it. We want to deny it. And yet we know it. It’s challenge.

Don’t you know that there isn’t one relationship in the world that isn’t challenging? As a matter of fact, in the long run, challenge is what you can count on. Love and support are optional. We have to work to keep things positive.

2. This romantic hallucination of meeting the one who will make you happy infuses you with another illusion. It’s the unconscious expectation that it’s his or her job to make you happy. Well, of course, you’ve been raised to believe that. That’s what a partner is for!

So now what do you do when the inevitable happens and you’re not happy with the relationship? Where does that take you? It cannot take you anywhere but into blame, frustration and war. After all s/he is breaking the unspoken contract. Your partner is not living up to the illusion of what you have been taught to expect.

Now you’re really in a trap. Innocently you believe the romantic nightmare. You don’t realize that no one outside you can fulfill you—simply because they’re not inside you. You are. Your heart is your business. And you’re closing it down because s/he doesn’t do what they cannot do: fulfill you.

3. And there is more. If you depend on someone else to make you happy, then there is fear. They might leave you. And then where would you be with your source of happiness gone and your life all in shambles? So you do small or large things that don’t feel right to you, just to keep him/her, just to keep the peace. You prostitute yourself, and that feels terrible, but you see no other way.

These 3 problems are universal. They are present in almost all marriages or intimate partnerships and they serve no one. Here are 3 solutions for you:

1. The Source of all true happiness is in you. It is your already existing wholeness, the fullness in the core of your heart. You have tasted it in moments before, but most of the time it is obstructed by fear, anger, stress, distractions, sadness, running after meaningless pleasures, and so on. Now you can take the steps to find true and lasting happiness by:

A. Moving your expectation for happiness from the “perfect” partner to this inner Source.
B. Freeing yourself from the inner obstructions by practicing high-level skills with the help and support of a spiritual guide and community.
C. Healing your live and nurturing yourself deeply from the inner Source of all love, until you are clear and unshakable in your own happiness.

2. Once you know that you are responsible for, and capable of, your own happiness, you can react constructively to the inevitable challenges of the relationship. You can realize that your suffering is not created by your partner. Instead it comes from your reactions to his or her behavior. You are never a victim of anything other than your own reactiveness, your own confusion, and your own blindness. To change this, to become free of the obstacles to your happiness, you need to have someone to bring your reactiveness, your hot buttons to your attention. And there is no one better on earth than your partner to show them to you!

3. Having replaced impossible expectations with awareness and gratitude you now find yourself in a relationship with the perfect mate. Your lover is the one who supports you with his love (at times) AND by showing you where you are not yet enlightened. Whenever you react, now you can do something constructive with that: you free yourself of your way of reacting.

In this process you will experience incredible intimacy. Your love will blossom as it is freed from expectation and your relationship will become a sacred dance. To any conflict there is only one possible outcome: that it will bring your closer to your Self. Being closer to your Self, being more whole, you have more love in you and therefore more love to give, freely, without expectation. And who better to share it with than your lover?

You have now moved from being stuck in the ego of suffering (“S/he will make me happy”) to the ego of aspiration. In your aspiration for freedom you will come to know the infinite Source of love in your heart step by step. It will heal all your old pain and dissolve the cycles of suffering and your ways of self-sabotage. It will set you free.

And, when the time comes, it will reveal to you the state of liberation, the ego of the sage, the one who lives in oneness with everything. In oneness with yourself, with the sky and the earth and all living things. And of course with your partner. That is true happiness, unshakable, solid and eternal.

That is the oneness and the happiness they told you to expect. They just weren’t clear about how to get there.

CLARIFICATION

My dear,

I am not a donkey

looking for a mate.

I am the soul with that great hunger

to know itself in the brilliant light

hidden inside you.

In truth

I am not even a man.

But as long as it appears so to us,

it’s a handy trick

to catch the dark thoughts

and to throw light into the room.  It’s

a tool for exposure and freedom

and a stage for practicing love.

I belong to no one,

not even myself.

My hearts’ allegiances run very deep.

My business is to burn us both

in that great fire that has consumed me

ever since the gurus’ supreme love

first inspired my heart.

We are so much more than we know.

I am that great fire

that burns each star

as an offering only to you -

only to you, who fashioned

the stars out of darkness

and wove your body

of light and of earth

so admiration and awe

could have a place in this world.

~ ©Ram Giri Braun

Life will always have its ups and downs. This is inevitable. And in this continuous change, in this unpredictability, life meets beauty in its entire dimension. Here is where I ask myself and I invite you to do the same: How am I dancing with life?

Am I meeting life with a balanced and peaceful mind and an open heart, no matter what? Am I seeing that on my side of the fence the grass is pretty green too? Am I treating my fears, self-doubt, self-judgment and shame with kindness and compassion? Do I love myself just the way I am? Or am I constantly comparing myself with others who seem ‘more successful’, ‘more attractive’ or ‘more spiritual’ than me? Am I indulging in the 10 million distractions of the world in order to hide and run away from what’s going on inside? Am I pretending to be someone quite different than who I really am…?

I find that it’s easy to love yourself when everything is going your way, when life fulfills your desires, when you find yourself at the peak of the mountain.  But it doesn’t last; life constantly and kindly shows us where we have yet some growing to do. What about when you get embarrassed, feel criticized, vulnerable or exposed? When you find yourself in that dark tunnel feeling that there is no light at the other end? How do you deal with that conversation in your head that keeps putting you down?

If you are seeking for a deeper truth, ask yourself these questions; you can do that now, even if it means to stop reading this article for few minutes. This process of self-inquiry opens up a new understanding of yourself. It can give you a road map to deal with the conditioned mind that constantly falls into the cycles of self-doubt and self-judgment. This sheds light into the dark shadow.

Constantly we hide our most sacred ideas, our most sacred secrets, because it’s easier to shelter them than exposing ourselves. To bring them out, whether that means opening a conversation, looking for help, or finding practices to undo our own cobweb, means to make yourself vulnerable. And this can be scary at first. So we wear masks and pretend not to be ashamed, but we’re always scared to be found out… If they knew what I‘m really like, they would never speak to me again. This is the tragedy of this world: we have lost access to our brilliant hearts and live dominated by fear. That’s why we suffer so much.

Loving yourself the way you are is like being on the peak of a mountain and knowing that you can merge with the vastness of the sky and the nature around you. It is being at peace with reality, however reality shows up. It is being kind, so kind with yourself even in those moments when you can’t stop the self-punishment for what you have or haven’t done. It is dissolving the voice that says: “it is embarrassing to be me”, or “men don’t cry”, or “I’m not good enough”, and so on.

The truth is that it is not embarrassing to be you. It is quite the opposite. It is freedom to expose your true self, it is liberating to feel vulnerable and allowing what is. It is an act of honesty, with you and with the world, to show your sensitivity, your happiness or sadness, and your compassion. It is courageous to show what is hidden behind that mask. It is an act of love to be authentic. Keep this sentence in your mind: The most attractive thing about a person is his or her authenticity!

To get to the peak of that mountain (which ultimately is the realization that you are what you seek to become) you need to start climbing, step by step. Stop when you need to take a deep breath, perhaps look back to see how much you have advanced… and continue climbing, with that deepest driving desire in your mind, with one-pointed focus. Allow yourself to be like water and move with the flow of life. And it’s ok if you slip down a few meters. No need to panic. There is always a new opportunity to begin again.

Be aware and listen when the ego is telling you that you are going too slowly, or that you should climb faster. Stillness, even while moving, can help you to distinguish the voice of the ego from the voice of love. It is wise to acquire what you need for your quest: the companionship of fellow climbers, the necessary tools to make your climbing easier, the skills that make you stronger. Listen to the guidance and experience of those who have gone before you and check in to see if they work for you. And most importantly, know that in this quest you are completely supported by a caring universe.

All minds are the same until they get educated for happiness. That is your task. If you are conscious enough to understand this, then you are capable of doing it.  You are capable of turning your life around, so completely that not long from now you will have a laughing fit when you remember how miserable you used to make yourself today.

Unhappiness is optional, but only for those who get serious about happiness. And when I say happiness I don’t mean the meaningless chase after distractions that serve to keep the ego fast asleep. I mean the complete wakefulness of the spirit. I mean the full realization of the immense brilliance of what you are. I mean the full miracle of you!

You must discover your heart if you want to enjoy the kind of relationship you dream about and deserve. The tensions created by insecurity and self-doubt will inevitably spoil the greatest experience. They must create conflicts in all your relationships and they will cause you to sabotage yourself every step of the way.

But when you feel bad you push your heart away, you try to bury it, and it always comes back. You live in escape mode from what you believe, from your truth, but you can’t get away from yourself. These are the moments when you need that open and authentic heart the most.

Remember: The most attractive thing about you is your authenticity. When you can be who you are, you are naturally fulfilled and others will notice. There will be a shine around you, but you won’t care. It is just the natural way you are.

You are already what you seek to become, only you are unconscious of it. Your bliss and your love are already fully present in you; you just haven’t discovered them yet. In you lies hidden the totality of all the love that is possible in this world. It is the true nature of the heart.

But in you lies also the enemy of forgetfulness. You have fallen asleep. You do not remember you. And there is another factor alive in you: your ability to awaken from the trance of your unhappiness, from your distraction of mind and your closed heart. That spark in you is reading this article right now. It can go to sleep again, or not. It is up to you.

If you decide to act on the impulse to awaken yourself, be prepared to see your life change. With the knife of self-love you will cut out the decay, you will stop in its track the tendency to indulge in what makes you suffer. You will realize that you—and no one else—create all your suffering. And that will set you free.

Your view of life will change rapidly as you discover nothing but kindness around you. You will want to dissipate the habits of sadness and fear and learn healthy habits. You will want to love yourself in the places where you now hate yourself. You will want to embrace yourself with only pure love

It’s too late to promise yourself you’ll do better when all hell breaks loose. It’s hard to find peace in emergency mode. The time is now, or when will it be? Your higher potential is staring you in the face, when will you look? Find out what happens when you give yourself the support you have wanted. Let yourself be around people who dare to assume that they have the courage for freedom.

Take a jump and you will notice the ground rise up to meet you.

With Love,

Ram Giri and Julia

Skills for Awakening

I am riding my bike through the Miami traffic to get some movement into these old bones, and I can’t help but notice how aggressive people are. They honk and curse at the little old lady in front of them, then pass her in a cloud of exhaust fumes to enjoy the great victory of stopping at the next light right in front of her. Sad, destructive, and so very unnecessary.

Of course it IS necessary for them to be just the way they are so they can eventually come to the point where they can see their own folly. Sadly it may be after a heart attack at 52 brought on by hostility. All is as it is supposed to be in this world, and I think I’ll bike the back roads from now on.

This brings up the question: where am I still like them, aggravating myself for no reason, out of self-involved blindness?

It gets tricky here because it’s so easy to see someone else’s faults. It’s easy to get aggravated and frustrated, to blame, to ‘know better,’ to be defensive. We love to do it because it strengthens the ego. And we have a powerful unconscious commitment to continue this madness.

Or we can wake up from these many layers of self-induced suffering. We do it by becoming still, by questioning our stressful beliefs and dissolving the negative emotional patterns that keep us prisoners of our own blindness. And most of all we do it by the repeated practice of turning inside to nurture ourselves from the unlimited inner Source of Self-Love.

HeartSourcing is the direct tapping into this inner Source. As you proceed in the practice of this powerful meditation you will be able to feel the Heart Essence more and more deeply. You will recognize that all the happiness you have ever felt has come from here, and all the happiness you will ever feel will come from here, from the blissful Self which you can access in the spiritual Heart.

This inner Source of fulfillment, of unconditional love, of all-embracing kindness is never-ending. It is absolute generosity, the nature of your true Being. And as you taste the unlimited abundance of what you are, you are freed from dependence on what the world can give or take away. You become free of desire and aversion, the twin poisons of human life.

Becoming free of desire and aversion you shake off the ignorance of the Self, the inner Source. Becoming independent of your external circumstances, you enjoy inner balance and harmony. This brings to you a great deal of energy, as your inner vitality is no longer blocked by emotional tensions.

And of course this inner love you feel wants to share itself. It spontaneously communicates itself to the people around you, for that is the nature of love. Peace teaches peace, just like aggression teaches aggression. The question that remains with me at every moment is this: What am I teaching?

So the next time I am on my bike, how will I meet the driver who honks at me and cuts me off while yelling into his cell phone? Can I stay in my peace? Will I keep feeling my Heart, breathing in the amazing luxury that arises undisturbed from within? Or will I fall into tension, which I create by my own negative emotions, and then blame it on him?

How aware can I be? Can I see that all circumstances and all encounters are perfectly designed to help me wake up from my own negativity? Some people’s job is to nurture and love me. Other people serve me by challenging me. The love of God is everywhere. Can I stay open to it?

I look forward to the next person whom my mind wants to blame. He will be my next teacher of peace.

with love and gratitude,

Ram Giri

Skills for Awakening

* You can get free instruction in HeartSourcing Meditation here or enjoy it along with music by Krishna Das by ordering our CD Living with an Open Heart: here, or by downloading it instantly via iTunes here.

For Jane it’s her weight. George thinks he is not a good enough provider for his family. Since the kids teased her in school, Carol believes she is not pretty.

This is how we carry our hidden pain with us like a snail carries its house. And every so often we withdraw right into it, into our most private terror.

It’s like we are saying to God, “Love me—but not in this place. In this place in my mind leave me my shame, leave me my lack of self-love.” And we think it cannot be another way, and we believe our lies.

And God, in that innermost place in the Heart, listens, and is powerless because love does not force itself. This infinite love in us waits, and waits some more, with infinite patience, until we are ready to open.

Until we trust enough, like a flower gives itself entirely to the sun. Until we open to the power in us to love, to trust, to know with absolute certainty that we are powerful enough to free us from any pain we carry in us.

Imagine the flower, basking fully exposed in the midday sun. How glorious! It absorbs every last ray, every magnificent bit of warmth. It is fully alive.

It doesn’t say, “Not this. Not this love. It is too strong. I have to hold on to the darkness in me. I am not ready for love.”

No. It surrenders to the splendor of life. You can be like that.

In you lies this type of openness, this kind of surrender to the light and the love in you. It is the absolute and unconditional love of the Self. And it never forces itself. It waits. It waits for you to respond to its many calls.

This love, this courage, will never betray you. It is your very own. It flows from your heart and only you can evoke it—or shut it down.

Call on that love to set you free of all you don’t need. Let it shine into the concealed crevices of the mind where darkness still hides.

Light and love are a higher reality than darkness and fear. When you invite them to flow from your heart to free the rest of your being, miracles happen.

Light dispels darkness instantly, leaving not a single trace. Love dissolves fear and reveals it as a bad dream of a past that is over and gone and a future that can be much more kind than you imagine.

If you’re still, you can feel it right now, right here in the very core of your chest. It is the infinite Source, the strongest power of healing.

You are equipped like that, imagine! As someone who knew once said, “If you had faith, you could move mountains.” This faith has its roots in your Heart and you can discover it there.

But because no one ever showed you that you have divine inner capacities, they have remained unused until now. But you can learn to use them until all the pain is dissolved and you are free.

with love,

Ram Giri

Skills for Awakening

If you want to engage in a highly effective practice to end the pain in your life, call us between 10am and 6pm (ET) for a free consultation.

Skills for Awakening +1 (305) 567-1406

In the light of 9-11 and the killing of Osama bin Laden we understand the reactions of revenge and of hatred. Their expression was easy enough to see in the outburst of joy at his death in many parts of the US. It made some of us rather uncomfortable.

That we are staging the equivalent of the mob scenes we see on TV that burn American flags, is pathetic and not a reason for pride.

What are the implications of a state-sponsored killing from a spiritual perspective? Are there karmic repercussions for us since it was done by our government in our name? How do we best react to that?

We participate in the collective karma of our nation and will harvest its outcome. But what we contribute to our collective fate depends on the level of our awareness.

As we can see time and again, hatred creates more hatred, violence more violence. Is that what we want? When we act from anger in an attempt to make the world a more peaceful place, we simply pour fuel on the flames of aggression. An eye for an eye makes both people blind.

We are only too familiar with primitive feelings like hatred, but perhaps a bit confused about the dynamic of the higher principle of compassion.

Superficially we tend to see compassion as weak. But is it true that turning the other cheek is for wimps who can’t help themselves, and that compassion is a completely unrealistic approach in the world of ‘real facts and real dangers?’

In my view, compassion is as powerful as it is all-embracing. And, contrary to acts of aggression, its effects last.

Consider this: The works of all the great bullies in human history are now (or will be soon) nothing more than footnotes in history book, their empires destroyed, their memories discredited, their names in disgrace. Ashes to ashes.

The great teachers of compassion on the other hand continue to shine. Buddha and Jesus and so many others changed the world in a way that uplifts us. This is because they acted from love and compassion which became an integral part of their being and of their message. This takes extraordinary courage and strength.

Compassion is Jesus’ message of turning the other cheek—and it is also the fierceness with which he threw the money changers out of the temple with such power that no one dared to obstruct his actions. In the Eastern religions, the ‘wrathful’ deities are known to be the compassionate expressions of the enlightened mind. How so?

True compassion acts on all levels against what creates suffering. It eliminates the causes of pain, ignorance and confusion. It shakes us awake.

Can we then deal from compassion with highly disturbed individuals like an Osama bin Laden, a Gaddafi, a Hitler? How can we stop the creation of suffering by such individuals?

Compassion demands that we do not respond to hatred with hatred or fear, that we do not participate in the creation of suffering, but eliminate it. This can sometimes require fierce action.

What may such fierce compassion look like in today’s world?

Imagine you are a soldier guarding people in a crowded square. You stand here watching the traffic and you see on the far side of the square a man with a bomb belt approaching a school bus full of children.

It is clear what the man intends to do. It is a matter of seconds and life and death.

You recognize the only means you have to stop him from blowing up the school bus and you raise your rifle and shoot to kill.

What karma will that action create? What repercussions will it have? It depends on your motivation.

- If you were filled with anger or hate your delusion of separateness is reinforced, hatred is strengthened, and the view of this world as a brutal eye-for-eye place, a ‘valley of tears’ is further cemented in your awareness.

- When you do it out of compassion for the children on the bus, that karma is softened, but still you live in a world filled with danger and enemies.

- Here is a third option: How would you act if you had complete compassion for the terrorist?

I don’t think you would act differently, the moment is too compelling. But you would act from a very different intention, a very different state of mind.

True compassion is rooted in the highest awareness, the recognition of the oneness of all life. This realization opens the intuitive mind.

Realizing that you and the terrorist are one, the eye of compassion would clearly show you the enormous disturbance in a mind that considers it right to kill children in the name of Allah.

What is then the most compassionate action you can take for the terrorist? Would it not be to stop him with any available means to protect him from the horrendous consequences of his own actions?

If you were a terrorist, would you not—on the soul level—want someone to stop you?

I will leave it to you to transfer this scenario to the killing of Osama bin Laden.

And it doesn’t stop there. How do we now relate to this soul, this part of us, which just ended an extremely difficult incarnation? Would it not be by enfolding him in the great compassion we carry in our hearts?

Who needs our compassion more than a soul who is so disturbed? And because the reality of the soul is non-local, which means it is not obstructed by the limits of time and space, we can be sure that our compassionate impulse will be received.

Yes, whether we like it or not, Osama is part of us. He is part of the oneness of life, as are all beings, high and low.

In the way we deal with terrorists—or with anyone for that matter —can we afford to continue to reinforce the illusion of ‘us against them?’

If we stay in this mode of ‘us against them’ will we have a world to live in, in a few generations?

It is time to use compassion to solve the problems of life. It is a much more powerful approach than hate.

Ram Giri

Skills for Awakening

For more information visit our website: www.SkillsforAwakening.com

Question: “Sometimes it is hard for me to feel my Heart. What can I do?”

Ram Giri: The mind has a tendency to run after distractions. This is caused by the subtle desires of the unconscious mind. It is an addiction that keeps the mind agitated and focused outward, away from the Heart. It is the greatest obstacle on the spiritual path and a source of tremendous suffering. Because of this unconscious and powerful mental addiction the soul is unable to know its true nature and freedom.

There are two answers to your question of what you can do. The first answer is consistent and patient practice, to discipline the mind by the use of HeartSourcing or other meditative techniques. Although you will not have a great experience every time you practice, the effort is cumulative. You cover a distance of 10,000 miles one step at a time.

The second answer is that inside your Heart is the presence of the Divine. Some people imagine it as a spark of the great light of God. This divine presence has a masculine and a feminine aspect. The masculine aspect is absolute Truth. The feminine aspect is absolute unconditional Love and Compassion. This feminine aspect is known as the Divine Mother, the Goddess. She dwells in all beings.

To free yourself from the addiction of the mind to the unending distractions of the world, you can turn toward this all-compassionate inner presence. In the sublime psychology of the higher mind that we know as the ancient wisdom of India, this tendency toward distraction is known as the (inner) demon Mahisha. The (inner) Goddess is known as Mahishamardini, “She who kills the demon of distraction” and so sets you free. This means that it is the very function of your inner Divinity to set you free. She exists for that purpose.

This tendency to distraction, ignorance and subtle desires is a knot in the Heart (kama granthi). When the inner Goddess frees us of this powerful ‘demon’ this knot is destroyed and the Heart opened by the ascending power of kundalini. This awakens in us great spiritual and material prosperity and good fortune.

But there is a quality to love we have to remember: love never forces itself. So if you want that presence of powerful divine Love to come to your aid, you have to activate it by asking the Goddess to set you free of the distracted mind. This should be particularly easy for women who are the manifestation of Her form in the world. But men as well have within themselves this great power of self-liberation. So whether we are in a male or female body, we can turn to our own nature in the form of this absolute motherly love.

If but for a moment we can put pride aside, we can find in the depth of us a place of childlike surrender. It’s been there ever since we were very small children. Later we may have developed a litany of problems with our mothers, but let’s just leave all this aside for a moment. Deep in us is the pattern of this trusting surrender, and now we activate it not toward another being (who may leave us) but toward the presence of absolute motherly care in us. This makes this surrender completely safe.

This asking to be freed of the demon of distractedness is surrender. Instead of years of psychotherapy or austerity, instead of pounding on heaven’s doors, try to simply turn to that motherly presence in your own Heart and ask to be set free. Instead of being a hero in your quest for peace, try to be a child for now. Be simple and egoless, just for a moment. Find that place of trust in the divine in you that will be fulfilled.

This place of primal trust exists in the depth of your Heart. Evoke it there. It is just a simple and honest asking. You can do it now. You do not have to wait until many years of accumulated pain give you enough despair so you finally discover this place of surrender. No, surrender is easy. It’s child’s play. For a moment be that child of the Divine Mother in you and ask Her for help, and She will unfailingly give you that help. She will give it to you in Her way and in Her time, but it will unfailingly come and you will be free to live out of the unobstructed purity of the unlimited Love in your Heart.

“One can’t believe impossible things,” Alice said. “I daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the Queen. “When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”[1]

We’re all Alice. We can’t believe what we cannot yet believe. But that can change. So here are six impossible things you can imagine before breakfast:

1. You can be happy today. And every day.
2. You don’t have to be aggravated, worried or sad.
3. Instead you can you can question your beliefs and realize that you are aggravating and worrying yourself, and stop.
4. Instead of feeling bad, you can treat negative emotions are not as a threat but ‘a part of you that needs help.’
5. You can give that part of you some love and attention and watch the emotions melt away.
6. You can be free!

Now if you’ve practiced the Skills for awakening for a while, you know all that—but at times we forget. Then it’s good to believe at least these six impossible things every day before breakfast.

]]> http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/six-impossible-things-before-breakfast/feed 0 http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/the-invisible-threat-of-self-sabotage http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/blog/the-invisible-threat-of-self-sabotage#comments Thu, 04 Nov 2010 03:07:41 +0000 Ram Giri http://blog.skillsforawakening.com/?p=319

You would never do this to yourself consciously. You, like everyone else, do not like to suffer. And yet, you, like everybody else, are sometimes subjected to the hidden force of self-sabotage.

Committing yourself to a practice to awaken to your higher potential and to end the pain in your life is a sure way to activate this unconscious process. If you don’t want to fall prey to it, it is necessary to take a close look at the forces that will fight to maintain the status quo, that want to make sure your old level of pain is maintained. These are two-fold, the fear of change and the pain body.

Fear of Change

The unknown scares us, even when what is unknown is happiness or peace. Imagine living permanently in true freedom and joy. It would be like living in a different world, wouldn’t it? And stepping out of the zone of our habitual way of life can be very scary. When that fear arises we are likely to do something to prevent us from changing.

The Pain Body

The pain body is our unconscious tendency to cling to that part of our identity that is used to pain. “Who would I be without my pain?” is a difficult question for many to answer. We’re just so used to our difficulties.

Who hasn’t had the thought during very happy times, “This is too good to last!” who hasn’t noticed repetitive patterns of self-inflicted suffering? This is how we unconsciously call back our discomfort and do something that brings us pain. (You can read more about it here: http://skillsforawakening.com/teachings/the-pain-body/)

We create our own reality through our thinking and our emotional patterns. Unless we change them, the same problems are likely to happen again and again, including our tendency to self-sabotage. This is how we can stay stuck for a long time.

When you make the decision to take your life onto a higher level of functioning, the unconscious force of self-sabotage rears its head. It can come in many forms, all of them appearing completely convincing: You have no money, no time for it, the effort is too much trouble, or you get yourself distracted. Although these may be untrue pain body manifestations, they appear completely compelling to you.

Even more difficult to see are self-sabotage events that appear to come from outside: external interferences, family objections, accidents, illness, a sudden increase in problems or outright chaos and more can all be the outcome of your unconscious desire to reject your impulse to improve your life.

Some interesting self-sabotage events are completely unforeseeable events that interfere with your life. Most people would not ever suspect that such events can be brought on by their own subconscious – until such events repeat themselves at similar junctions in life. There are also what I call ‘metaphysical delusions,’ the conviction that grace will take care of you, that all is really fine, or that no action on your part is necessary. The truth of course is that grace comes to us in exact proportion to self-effort.

The resolution to this challenge comes when our fear of change and self-delusion gives way to the will and courage to change. This happens when our yearning to experience the true freedom of liberation from suffering has become stronger than the old habits of interference.

How does that happen? This inner maturing can be accomplished by two forces: by suffering and by a decision to do what is necessary to reach this freedom, aided by a deep yearning or desire for it. Yes, we have a choice here: if we are able to make the decision to free ourselves proactively from the inner obstructions, we can avoid the necessity for suffering to give us this motivation.

When we are thus no longer fully subjected to our pain body and the fear of change, we arrive at a true commitment to our freedom. This gives us the ability to listen to our internal wisdom and to follow the Heart, our inborn ability for self-love. It empties us of the small self, the contraction of the fear-based aspects of ego, and opens us to the astounding presence of the Higher Self. This alone is true freedom.

Namaste,

Ram Giri

Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov

“We are here to receive peace and happiness in our mind by avoiding suffering, but first we have to recognize the cause of happiness. We have to understand what brings us happiness and what brings us suffering. This is extremely important to understand, or there is no way to prevent suffering and receive happiness in our mind.

In our dreams, happiness and small pleasures are created by our mind, and suffering and unhappiness are also produced by our mind.”

(– one of my treasured teachers, Lama Thubten Yeshe, Nepal 1970′s)

Life is not different. Mind is the key and the unconditional love of the Heart gives strength to our efforts to solve the riddles of the mind and eventually the thinking mind dissolves into the Heart

Angry and petulant is the best way I can describe it. There it sits in my inbox. How am I going to deal with it?

Of course I could react now, but I can just see the repercussions. Hopeless and completely unnecessary.

So: Can I see the writer as part of God? How can I appreciate that he is here to give me a teaching I obviously need (because here it is, black on white on my screen)?

I go slow. My gut churns a little and I pay gentle attention to that. Soon it calms down. I craft a careful reply, being polite and expressing my truth as clearly as possible.

I turn his accusation around and look if he could be true. I see it and I tell him in ways he can understand.

When I’m done I feel good. I am grateful to the writer because he gave me an opportunity to grow beyond that old reactiveness I know so well.

He is teaching me to be peaceful while standing up for my truth.

I look forward to as many other teachers like that I might need until there is no longer even a slight urge to react. He is teaching me the reality of love.

Obviously it was God writing to me.

Amazing!

“What do you do?” I dread that question. It seems I fail at it every time. So then why do some people love working with me?

That must be it, the love, the ‘stuff’ that’s between the lines of what can be said. It’s what you can’t put in a bio or on the screen.

Alex is such a case. I’ve been coaching him for a few months and he rarely responds to my emails – too busy. By all accounts he should be a failure.

And then we meet and the next day he writes: “It’s always a fantastic experience for me, every time we meet. I never know what the outcome is going to be, and I always leave amazed of what happens.”

I swear I’m not doing it. I just let go and open to the moment. And it’s always there. It rises up from somewhere to meet us, this inexpressible thing, love, in some form or another.

And because I can’t claim ownership, I find that everyone I meet brings it to me, if I’m just open enough to receive it. So you must have it, it must be there. And you probably don’t need me to find it.

Another morning. But before I open my eyes, I lie still and deeply feel inside. And a recognition arises.

There is in us a presence of which we are often unaware. You have your own name for it, the presence of God, or reality, of the soul. For me it has the feeling of Maharajji, my guru.

And I lie there almost still asleep and very still, and it is there. This presence (His presence for me) is the deepest and most real way we can experience ourselves. And it is so far beyond all the identification with ego, our history and planning and pain. It is the pure essence of Self.

There it was, so pure and complete. And at that moment I knew that all life is nothing more or less than the process of this essence awakening us from the inside.

Can we let go enough of our self-effort to allow it to do its work?

Can we be open to this unspeakable grace?

While reading an amazing teaching by Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche (the main guru of the Dalai Lama, whose new incarnation is just touring the States for the 1st time) I thought of you.
In a few short words: It is the teaching of clearly seeing that all the misery in our lives comes from ego-clinging, all the pain we have we create ourselves. On the other hand, once you have a spiritual view of life, it becomes clear that you will benefit from all interactions with other beings, may they be kind or hostile to you. We all know the special lessons ‘difficult’ people offer us, don’t we? So that shows us that all beings benefit us; it cannot be any other way as long as we are open to learning, to awakening to enlightenment. So all the misery in our lives comes from ego-clinging, and all the good in our lives comes from other beings.
I read this this morning and it just hit me so wonderfully. What amazing gifts we are to each other!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for being among the beings that have given, and are giving to me so richly!