3 Steps to Stop Negative Habits and Drama

Posted on June 13, 2012

You know the set-up: your child says something in that tone of voice, you look at the numbers in your bank statement, you find your husband’s shirt wadded up under the chair.

The rest is automatic: you complain, you worry, you fret. And you thought you were over your old reactivity!

We’re conflict junkies, attached to the chemical broth in our brains that gets triggered by each upset, and to the false ego-identity these conflicts give us.

“I am right, they are wrong. I am the one who knows. This should be different!” such thoughts are the stuff of our addiction. And we don’t stop there. Once we realize we have just blown a fuse, we throw in some: “I’ll never get it right. I should be over this. What’s the matter with me?”

These thoughts keep us blind to the perfection of the moment. They destroy our peace. They need to be questioned and dissolved.

The medicine is self-awareness. It comes through determination that is aided by the power of the Self.

1. You are the cause of all your suffering. The war starts when you react, when you defend, when you blame. The war takes place in you—all the time. It can be stopped only there. Think of how an enlightened being would deal with what triggers you. They would not react. They would stay in their peace. They would rest in the heart.

This enlightened being is already inside you. It is who you are at your core—but the mind constantly derails you. This disturbance is ancient and strong—it exists to show you that the impulse toward enlightenment can overcome anything.

To realize your enlightened Self you have to use both the mind and the great power of the Self that rests in the heart.

2. The tool of the mind is your will. Use your will to set a powerful intention to get free of your habits of self-sabotage.  Stick to that with determination, come what may, even though it is not going to make you look good in your own eyes. Remember that every time you catch yourself reacting in blindness, it is a victory—you’re learning to see. You can only get self-awareness by seeing where you don’t have clarity yet.

If that determination is strong in you, it activates the power of the heart.

3. The tool of the heart is devotion, or bhakti. Change your addiction to drama by evoking the love of the Self in your heart. Then cultivate the heart through regular practice. HeartSourcing is designed for that.

The tremendous transforming power of love comes in two ways. There is bhakti (devotion) without form and with form. The first type is devotion to an abstract concept like enlightenment, unconditional love, peace and the like. The more focused your life becomes toward this goal; the more the power of the Self will support you in your quest.

For devotion with form you turn to an object that opens your heart. Do you have a relationship with God, a guru, a realized being, a teacher, a deity? Are you devoted to the well being of all of humanity?

Yes, I know, everyone is saying these days: “It’s all inside you. All is the Self.” Of course it is. And how are you going to know what is inside you, how are you going to realize the Self that is beyond the reach of the mind and the senses?

For that you need a mirror, a guide. That is why most traditions relate to God, a savior or a guru. Any true guide is also the Self. When you have learned, when you are ripe, the guide disappears and you are revealed to you as the Self.

Here in your heart is the immense power of God (whatever God you believe in) and it is here only to serve you. This love can overcome anything.

With determination and devotion to love instead of drama and conflict, you can melt away all the obstructions the mind has built around the heart. The many conflicts of life are revealed to be stepping-stones that are simple to solve: cultivate stillness, question your thoughts and dissolve your stressful emotions through the consistent practice of Open Attention. Then watch the inner war be replaced by peace.

This peace is rock solid. It is unshakable as a mountain. This is the truth of your limitless being.


with love,
Ram Giri

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